You've got me down on my knees and I proclaim: All Hail the Heartbreaker

A Girl Called Kill

(no subject)
This is for jess, because she is sitting across the room from me refreshing livejournal and complaining that no one is updating.

So jess, this is for you..the cupcake fairy :P

'Hello floor! Make me a sammich! sammich sammich sammich!!!'

realisation [say i'm still a soldier in your eyes]
Today I realised something.
I am absolutely terrified of death. It's just way too final and it bothers me that I can't do anything about it.

One of my friends from high school died the day before yesterday and I just found out.

I wasn't even close to him, I didn't even know him that well....but he was actually nice to me, and one of the few people I wouldn't have shot if I had been the type to stage a school shooting.

And I never told him that it meant something to me that he was nice to me.
And now I won't get the chance.

Fuck I wish people would stop dying.

RIP Melanie (December 2006)
RIP James (December 2007)
RIP Danny (December 2008)

I'm not sure I can watch you hurt yourself like this again...
I hope that you're okay.
I know that you don't read this but I wanted you to know that I'm worried about you.

(no subject)
I hope to god I mean a little more than the sounds that escape your tired 4am lips,
And oh-how I wish I meant a little more than a symphony of heavy breathing and the friction of hips


I really should stop procrastinating....
Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person,
And the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much?
So much like choking down the embers of a great blaze.
It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions
And to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds.
You let this one person come down in the most perfect moment.
And it breaks my heart to know the only reason you are here now is
A reminder of what I'll never have
I'll never have...I'll never
Standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in.
Standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in.
But this table for one has become bearable.
I now take comfort in this, and for this, I cherish you.
Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person,
And the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much?
So much like choking down the embers of a great blaze.
It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions
And to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds
And you let this one person come down, come down.
I cherish you...I cherish you.
Just say you would do the same for me.
Just say you would do the same for me.
Say you would do the same...
Just say you would do the same for me.
For as much as I love Autumn,
I'm giving myself to Ashes.

This song makes me weak...

I'm here for you to use, broken and bruised....Do you understand?
She skipped barefoot along the thin wet bar, feeling the cold steel against the bones in her feet with little more between the two than papery skin tinged blue by the cold. This simple sensation, one which would have once brought her happiness, now inspired from her no emotion.

The light misty rain that she could see shimmering under the streetlights lining the highway dampened her hair and the skin on her arms and face, stretched tight over her lovely, clean bones.

She was fearless.

Mere days before she had stood in the doctor's office, silent and content as he attempted to instill fear within her.
Fear of hospitalization.
Fear of the tube.
And fear of death.
It was this last threat that amused her most. Why should she fear death when by her own design she was already halfway there, and when she knew that by her own design she would finish what she started.
So she stood balancing on the bar, her knees trembling inside baggy fleece tracksuit pants.

From the cold she told herself.

I'm not scared.

Her bare bony arms outstretched from the cavernous sleeves of her shirt, the one which used to fit her perfectly, now hiding an emaciated frame.
She stared at her arms, her hands...her lovely bones.
She looked down, she was above the road now. The shimmering black asphalt, wet from the rain and glittering rainbow colors from the spilled oil of so many cars, seemed almost to invite her to join it, and yet it seemed so far away, further than she had expected.
For a moment she almost faltered.
For one moment, one fraction of a heartbeat, she was almost scared.
But she had come to far to give up now. She had come to finish what she had started, so slowly, so long ago. It ended here. It had to end now.
She looked up at the sky, one last time and blew a kiss into the wind.

A kiss to the stars, the moon and those who might miss her.

Then she stretched out her arms and leaned forward, into the wind, smiling as for an instant she floated, for an heartbeat she was flying and then a fraction of a second later she hit the grimy wet grit of the highway below.

A Note to anyone reading this
This is not about me! I am not planning to jump off a bridge or anything, it's just random happens to me sometimes :) (also I've been playing with html hehe)


ladida...hooray for procrastination!!
Click here.
Take the quiz.
Post your results.
See bloodied_angel7's results.Collapse )

Tomorrow is my last exam...hooray!
I'm actually (for once in my life) not stressed about it at all, thanks to the wonderful Andrew who did some maths and figured out that I only really need about 20% on this exam to pass the unit.
The advantage of this knowledge is that I am not a raging ball of stress like I normally would be the night before an exam, but the downside is that my lack of caring has led me to spend the majority of my day procrastinating.
When I actually started doing some work, I realised that the practice exam I was given basically is the exam...A list of 10 questions, 6 of which will be on the exam.
This made me procrastinate even more.
But meh.

In other news I am currently cursing my laziness and lack of interesting food...For some reason this evening I was living in a parallel universe in which it seemed like a good idea to go to the mess and buy food.
As a result of my baked gnocchi with sage and pine nuts, which sounded good in theory, but really wasn't, I now feel sick.
Stupid halls food...I wonder if I could sue them if I ended up with food poisoning and couldn't sit my exam....Hmmm...

It's times like these that I wish I had a time machine...I would really love to be able to go forward in time to this time tomorrow, when I would have finished my exams and when I shall be basking in the awesomeness of having large quantities of free time.....
There are many many things I plan to do with my free time...The majority of which involves reading and watching dvds...I can finish watching the various dvds I have borrowed from people, finish reading the books I have borrowed from people...borrow more books from people and read them as well...
I can't wait until tomorrow.

As you can tell, this post is yet another means of my procrastination...So I should probably try and care about this exam and do some study for it.

goodbye and thanks for all the fish

clearly i am procrastinating...
clearly this is an attempt at procrastination.
this is clearly because i have exams this week which i should be studying for.
clearly my brain won't let me form enough coherent thought to study for them.
clearly this week sucks.

and also a hug would be nice....

(no subject)


Log in