- I'm here for you to use, broken and bruised....Do you understand?
She skipped barefoot along the thin wet bar, feeling the cold steel against the bones in her feet with little more between the two than papery skin tinged blue by the cold. This simple sensation, one which would have once brought her happiness, now inspired from her no emotion.
- October 31st, 2008
The light misty rain that she could see shimmering under the streetlights lining the highway dampened her hair and the skin on her arms and face, stretched tight over her lovely, clean bones.
She was fearless.
Mere days before she had stood in the doctor's office, silent and content as he attempted to instill fear within her.
Fear of hospitalization.
Fear of the tube.
And fear of death.
It was this last threat that amused her most. Why should she fear death when by her own design she was already halfway there, and when she knew that by her own design she would finish what she started.
So she stood balancing on the bar, her knees trembling inside baggy fleece tracksuit pants.
From the cold she told herself.
I'm not scared.
Her bare bony arms outstretched from the cavernous sleeves of her shirt, the one which used to fit her perfectly, now hiding an emaciated frame.
She stared at her arms, her hands...her lovely bones.
She looked down, she was above the road now. The shimmering black asphalt, wet from the rain and glittering rainbow colors from the spilled oil of so many cars, seemed almost to invite her to join it, and yet it seemed so far away, further than she had expected.
For a moment she almost faltered.
For one moment, one fraction of a heartbeat, she was almost scared.
But she had come to far to give up now. She had come to finish what she had started, so slowly, so long ago. It ended here. It had to end now.
She looked up at the sky, one last time and blew a kiss into the wind.
A kiss to the stars, the moon and those who might miss her.
Then she stretched out her arms and leaned forward, into the wind, smiling as for an instant she floated, for an heartbeat she was flying and then a fraction of a second later she hit the grimy wet grit of the highway below.
A Note to anyone reading this
This is not about me! I am not planning to jump off a bridge or anything, it's just random ramblings...it happens to me sometimes :) (also I've been playing with html hehe)